Grand Theft Auto 4: begin

In Steam I see two entries, "GTA 4" and "GTA: Episodes from Liberty City", an expansion for GTA 4. This is one of the problem with retro-gaming, as I now have to figure out which I can or should start with. Usually, add-ons not only add content, but change the game engine as well. Ideally, I want the most mature software with the least bugs, but I also don't want to ruin any kind of linear story there might be. I'll check online, while trying to avoid spoilers.

OK, its mostly people discussing download issues, not story or gameplay. Screw it, I'll just play GTA 4 now, and not even install the add-ons until later. I've played enough GTA games now to have a procedure, where I play the whole game through naturally, only seeking help when I get stuck. On my second playthrough, I'll look online to find all the things I didn't find myself, particularly complete lists of hidden collectibles (packages, etc.), which I usually only find half of.

OK, first thing I see is an activation key, I file that away. I know I've tried this game before, but I guess not on this current install, I'm seeing "Performing first time setup..." and its installing DirectX for Windows. I think I last tried this game on a Vista install, and it was a nightmare. There was an endless array of things to install, and services to join and create logins for. As usual, copy protection only punishes the lawful.

Let's get some folders ready to hold screenshots, saves, notes, etc., and drop shortcuts to those folders in Favorites. Looking at my folder paths, its fairly inconsistent. Sometimes its GTA 4, sometimes its Grand Theft Auto 4, sometimes its GTA series, etc. Not going to waste time sorting that out, its getting the job done, for now.

Here's an onerous copy protection scheme now: the Social Club. I'm relieved to see that you can opt out, especially if you just want to play offline single-player (which is all I usually want). This opting out wasn't an option the first time I installed. I guess enough people bitched about it. Chalk up another benefit to retro-gaming. Selecting "Play (Offline)".

Firewall, allow. Crap, the game is trying to start while I'm trying to hit Allow access. Some sloppy shit. Great, now I can't switch back to the game, I'm stuck at the desktop. Very sloppy. End process. This shit happens in Windows all the time, but I still wouldn't give up PC gaming for anything. Restarting Steam. OK, there's the startup music, which sounds like its from GTA 3 San Andreas. Now I have two options: GTA4 "play" or Episodes "sign in". Play. My mouse speed has suddenly dropped to nothing. Why wouldn't you import that setting straight across from my system mouse speed? Why would you default to some speed for the mentally deficient? It's not the technical problem that bothers me, its the attitude. Oh great, Social Club spam, even though I opted out of that BS.

Options, Controls, Mouse Sensitivity is set to seemingly 33%, I up it to more like 66%. Its still unforgivably slow. Let's max it out. At least my graphics defaults seem reasonably high. I'm not going to mess with it until I see how the game looks. Exit game, upload this screenshot, restart game. My mouse is still painfully slow. I can only hope its only here in the setup that it stays like this. Crap, more spam, for a LIVE-enabled profile. I do not want to sign in, hit Esc, hopefully I can just bypass this.

There's a song playing, but a blank screen. I guess I am missing the intro video, and a subsequent cut scene. WTF. Maybe its because the Steam overlay is still up, telling me the code I need to enter. But I am never prompted for a code - perhaps I entered it previously? Quit the game, restart, maybe video will play without overlay. Wait a sec - lets read this LIVE profile thing again - I can't save with out a LIVE profile. They've got me now. Time to look up my old account. In my archive, I see an entry from 2009.05; I use that and it works. I'm presented with a place to enter my product key, and its already pre-filled for me. Great - only now does it tell me my authentication is invalid. Maybe I can set this up outside of the game. The game is crashed again, but not surprising considering all the damn overlays over the poor thing. End process.

OK, I check the LIVE site, which is now an Xbox site, sign in OK. Restart game. Damn Social Club is still bugging me. Dismiss Steam overlay. Play. Maybe I can sign into Live up front, instead of as a part of starting a new game. Let's try the LIVE menu. OK, now I've got the LIVE overlay. Use existing profile. I check every box to save all my info, and login automatically. Product key again, happily still filled in. Product key not valid. Its a wonder I even got this game running. The product key entered is the same as the one Steam gave me. This is starting to look bad. Let's try 'i need a product key'. Dumps out, starts up Games for Windows Marketplace. It just takes me to an Xbox ad. Maybe the problem is because I bought this retail, and registered it with Steam later?

Time to look online for help. There's some recent update for this. Verifying integrity of game cache. Seems OK, restart game, I have a new code! Sign in to LIVE. Enter new code, downloading profile, update LIVE, the game plays, with cut scenes. But in my second monitor, I can see there are several apps blinking for attention, probably want administrative permission to continue. I exit the game to see to them. Got a call, got distracted, not sure what I did there, I think I clicked through a few things. I've got so many popups everywhere, the Steam community ones are especially onerous now; I disable those. Let's start GTA 4 up yet again.

Stupid intro music and disclaimers can't be skipped. Play. Check LIVE to see if I'm signed in - I'm not. The automatic sign in check box does nothing. It wants to update again. Install update, shut down game, allow install, it exits without message - lame. Restart GTA 4. Sign into live, downloading profile, finally it gets past that. How do I get rid of this thing? With Steam its alt+tab to get out of the overlay, don't see anything like that here. I just hit the red X, hopefully it will run now, and I can save and reload games. Time to start, finally. The cut scenes look good, in sync and everything.

Oh yeah, its GTA, I can't just save anywhere, have to go to a hideout. Cut scenes end, I have control. I wander around the apartment, enjoying all the detail. But its a museum, I can't touch anything. The environment looks as rich as Fallout 3, but I can't so much as pick up a pot or pan. I can't even sit or lie down. The only thing I can do in here is save the game. I understand this is a racing game (actually a chasing game) first, and a first person RPG second, third, or worse, but this just taunts me with all its detail. I don't know if I will have the patience to finish this game. The controls have felt clunky from the start, and this is mostly a twitch game. I would like to finish the main story, but even if I don't, if can just wander around the city for a while, that will probably be something.

Oh wait, I just picked up a beer can, using the generic gaming 'use key' of E. Time to check the controls list. Driving around on my first mission, and the detail is just incredible. Shadows on an ATM machine, metal plates in the asphalt, the writing on newspaper a pedestrian is holding, the pattern of a tire tread. Hmm, I finish the first mission and it says saving content - but is my game saved here? I go to Load, there is a slot title It's Your Call, 11/5/12 15:31, a minute ago. I try it. I'm back in the apartment, but I still have a total of $68, which is what I had after the last mission. It seems I have just lost my car and location. WTF, some random dude on the street just gave me $100.

First date, not bad. Cool, I can pick up bricks and throw them with targeting! Time to wander the city and see what I can find. OK, a baseball bat, that's a start. I can hear my character pant if I run too much - is there a stamina feature in this game, that I can build up? My character walks very sluggishly, and when I run the camera is hard to control. It's like the game is saying please don't walk around - get a car or something. I don't remember previous GTAs being this unfriendly to walking.

Not a lot of loose weapons in this town. In previous GTA, you couldn't walk a block without finding something. Even under the pier, an obvious stash spot, there's nothing. Ah, found a set of 3 Molotov cocktails up near the boardwalk.

There's another little person symbol on my map. I'll go check it out - last time it was the guy who gave me $100. OK, now I have $200. I find and steal a fast car, probably much faster than I'm supposed to have yet. I wander around the perimeter, trying to get a lay of the land, finally end up back where I started, under the elevated bridge, near Coney, uh, Firefly Island. Time for a break.