Grand Theft Auto 4: The Greasy Chopper

I feel like I've already been here, exploring biker culture in GTA Vice City. But as it moves along, I see the story getting a little deeper, maybe even a little more interesting. Once again we return to the theme that it sucks to be the sane and sensible Number Two in service of a crazy master. It's a good theme, and a good source of conflict to drive the story.

It's hard to have much sympathy for these people, but they're growing on me. I've just starting doing the gang wars, and its a pleasant reminder of GTA San Andreas. It appeals to my nature to collect the whole set, especially when it consists of brief but satisfying battles. I kind of missed conquering territories and buying businesses, but GTA 4 was just not that kind of story.

I like the new radio station, Vice City FM, for a whole bunch of reasons, but why did they have to remove The Source? That was all I was listening to for most of GTA 4. I understand they may have had to remove a channel to make room for another (not really), but why not remove Radio Vladivostok, which was clearly the Bellic's channel? Its not like they did it for story reasons.

Motorcycles seem different now. In the previous game they were hard to control, and not much fun. Now it feels like I've taken a few levels in motorcycle, kind of like in San Andreas where you have measurable in-game skills that you can increase. Which makes sense, since Niko probably shouldn't have much experience with bikes, and Johnny should have a lot. Not sure why it subjectively feels so noticeably better now.

Grand Theft Auto 4: review

Sometimes DLCs, expansion packs, add-ons, etc. are just an attempt by game makers to milk a few more dollars out of the fortune they sunk into making a game. Usually these add-ons are dispensable  and add little value to the original. I can't think of many occasions were the add-on is a must have. So I'm not holding much hope for GTA 4's two expansions, but I'll give it a try.

Before I go much further into the expansions, I might as well write down my review for the main game. I can already feel it receding behind me. Grand Theft Auto 4 didn't leave me with any much lasting impression, good or bad. It was a good product but it wasn't much of an experience either.

Like all the GTA games I know (the past 3), they each seem to push in a somewhat different direction, and they take some risks. GTA 3 brought the franchise into the world of 3D graphics, and gave us a more first personal experience. GTA Vice City gave us interesting new vehicles, and more interesting places to explore. GTA San Andreas gave us more of an RPG flavor, developing personal skills and managing relationships with other characters. GTA 4 gave us an intricate simulation of New York City, but cut back on advances from the previous two games.

GTA 4 did give us a more plot driven game, and in a way this is a bit of a risk taken. Previous games had more and more narrative to them, but were more muted, and I felt I could still be "me" in the game. Here, I'm watching Niko Bellic's story, maybe helping guide him around a few bumps in the the road, but other than that I'm not really part of it.

GTA 4 was a good gaming experience, and I have no regrets playing it or recommending it to others, especially now that its in the bargain bin. If, like GTA 3, all it did was push the tech forward, so we could follow up with some awesome sequels like Vice City and San Andreas, that would justify its existence, but I already have serious doubt that GTA 4's two add-ons will live up to that kind of legacy. So, if you want to play this game, you're really just doing it to enjoy the current state of the GTA art.

For all the beauty of sim-Manhattan, the characters and story are weaker than the previous GTAs. Maybe it was the average writing, but it just felt empty. It didn't help that the enemies were endless identical caricatures, so I didn't even know who I was warring with day to day, nor did I care. The radio stations seem rich in content, as does the TV, but after some listening I realize the writing is poor here too. It seems like the graphical department was more than pulling its weight, but the writing isn't up to previous GTA standard. GTA culture is built on satire both subtle and gross, but there's very little subtlety here.

I don't hate GTA 4, I don't even dislike it, but it leaves me empty. I would rather replay the previous two GTAs than this. But GTA 5 is coming out next year, and from the looks of it, I won't be coming back this way ever again.

Grand Theft Auto 4: bumba clot

Let's try this again... and again... and again.

*ending spoilers*

I'm at the place where I couldn't climb up into the helicopter. I switch out to Task Manager, set affinity to CPU 7 only. Go back to game. After some furious pounding on space bar, I'm in, and the conversation continues. Set affinity back to all processors.

But I didn't realize that just because I climbed up into a helicopter, I'm suddenly piloting it. How does that make any sense at all? I just climbed up into a helicopter. And my target gets away in seconds.

I can't believe I have to do this again. The pointless car chase. The boring fight outside. The retarded chase to the helicopter. The pointless boat chase. I have a rocket launcher. He shouldn't be able to get away, but I'm trapped in cut scenes. I'm almost at the point of just watching a video to see the ending.

I would never usually use the replay function in the game, but I'm just so frustrated and I want out of here already. Thankfully it puts me back to the point of the fight outside; I don't have to do the car chase again.

Why do I need to know how to pilot a military helicopter in the endgame? That might make sense in something like Vice City, where helicopters are a big part of the game, but here its as senseless as an impromptu plate juggling contest.

Another pointless thing: while you are on the boat chase part, the enemy helicopter shoots rockets at you. I thought I was a doing a good job evading them, and then one comes right at me, and goes right through me. Not much point to the light show when you know it can't hurt you.

OK, so I got past the getting on the helicopter part, and now we're engaged in a running air battle. Because I'm using keyboard and mouse, I can't fly and operate the gun at the same time. Before I can even wonder how to solve this problem, I thank my partner's shooting, and the target's helicopter starts to burn. Why am I even here? And then we ALL CRASH LAND SAFELY ON LIBERTY ISLAND.

Now another running gunfight with the cops. Well, I guess they should show up to the party when there's an aerial fight over Manhattan that crashes at the Statue of Liberty. Now is a good time to cash in my get out of trouble favor with girlfriend Kiki. Before I can even dial the target RUNS AWAY AND ESCAPES. What? On an island? I've had enough. There's no more sense to this game. There's definitely no more fun. I'm not playing this game anymore.

Off to YouTube to watch the 'revenge' ending. All that effort, and Niko doesn't even make sure he's really dead? I know he's lying there dying, but in the GTA world paramedics can practically resuscitate the dead. What happened to giving him a bullet for every wrong against humanity? How about just one?

I watch the other ending, where Kate dies instead of Roman. It's OK, but Roman's death makes for the better story. The Kate ending is so cliche its saccharine.

I look for after story content, and there's a few phone calls, but that seems to be. Time to check the FAQs and guides, see what I missed.

OK, not much. The package collection, which is usually fun in the other GTAs, seems sad and pointless here (killing pigeons - really?). The career missions (police, etc.) also seem pointless.

I would like to move on to the review, and then on to the next game, but I guess there's the DLCs to try. I hope they're good but short.

Grand Theft Auto 4: where's my car

One of my cars disappeared. I've been waiting for this to happen for some time. I use a lot of taxis, and often when they pull up they nudge one of my parked vehicles, sometimes even pushing it slightly out of the lines. That's not what happened here, though, as this is my Alderney apartment and the cabs always pull over on the far side of my place.

Disappearing cars was common enough in previous GTA games, especially if you were packing the garage. I thought this game was different somehow, more stable. Guess not.

Looks like I'm closing in on the end of the game; here come the

*spoilers*

I like that your life quest comes down to a binary choice. Its not really a choice, though, is it. Your character has had this character kidnapped and brought to his feet. Your prisoner has confessed to stabbing his friends in the back for a little money to fuel his drug habit. This is not a fish you can just throw back in the sea.

I see no reason to go back to a previous save, and try it the other way, just to see what happens. In the context of this game, this is the "right" ending. Even if the other way has the moral high ground, you've got to keep in mind the rules of the sandbox you are playing in.

This is an even tougher choice than mercy or revenge. Mercy has little place in GTA, but money and revenge both do. The obvious choice here is money, then revenge.

Now that's what I call story telling. I didn't see this twist coming, and yet in retrospective it makes sense.

I'm almost at the end... then showstopper bug. There's a lengthy shootout, then a boat chase, then a scene where you climb up into a helicopter (tap spacebar repeatedly). Except you can't, because Rockstar calibrated this for a 30 FPS console, not a 60+ FPS computer. After some careful anti-spoiler searching, it seems the trick is to shut off all your CPU cores but one, climb up, then you can turn them back on.

But tomorrow. I've had enough of this for today.

Grand Theft Auto 4: workin' in north jersey

*spoilers*

Always spoilers.

The Alderney assassin missions are fun and easy, then ramp up like crazy. I think this must be the last assassin mission, because its so tough. I didn't save anything for the return trip, and died quickly, trying to fight my way back down the building.

It looks like you could jump off this thing; I wish I had access to a parachute, like in San Andreas. I wonder if I went back down and grabbed a motorcycle (before the mission ends, and I get swarmed), rode it up here (I think the stairs could accommodate it), and drove off the side, I would survive the fall. It's been the case with all the GTA games I've played so far (since 3), that when you're in a vehicle, you are almost invulnerable until the car itself dies. But I've been surprised to find here in GTA 4 that cars offer little protection; I've offed a number of targets with a shot through the windshield (and vice versa).

OK, second time around, the cops on the return trip aren't a factor at all. So, was the first time around a glitch, or this time around?

Not only are there no dogs and cats in this game, there are no cart horses. Or children.

Grand Theft Auto 4: Three Leaf Clover mission

Finally, a classic GTA mission to sink one's teeth into. Its got everything: long boring setup, run and gun action, wacky teammate AI, occasional glitches, and then a car escape. Now I know I'm playing GTA.

Really though, nothing says you're playing GTA like a lengthy mission that can be ended randomly by something stupid, that makes you want to rage. Sometimes its my fault; if you don't take cover early and often, you will get your armor and health stripped away by the countless (and endless?) enemies. Sometimes its the games fault; my teammates will sometimes pause in an area while I rush ahead of them and get ripped to shreds.

It doesn't help that the mission is dumb from end to end. Strangers who never worked together before, a plan hatched on the drive over, non-professionals with loose lips, no escape plan but to shoot your way out. Obviously, somebody saw the long bank shootout escape scene in the movie Heat and decided to throw that into the game 'because its cool', except in the movie it was a plan gone bad, and here the stupid escape seems to be the plan. Niko seems like a sensible dude - why would he even get in the car with these drug-addled losers to even go to lunch, let alone rob a bank together?

I read a little online about the mission, to see if I'm missing something obvious. Not really, this is pretty much how the missions is supposed to go down. It looks like you can play get-out-of-jail-free card (from your girlfriend Kiki) at some point; I'd like to see if I can do this without. And unfortunately I read a spoiler that this is the hardest mission in the game. Not sure what to make of that.

Another try, this time my two surviving teammates each break in a different direction. By the time I catch up with them, I get the dreaded 'you have abandoned your team' message.

I tried again, focusing on using cover and not letting them chip away my armor. It worked rather well. I also used the tip to get rid of your stars in the subway system. When you get down to the tracks and defeat all enemies, go up the stairs you're supposed to until your 5 stars turn into 3 stars, then go back down and run down tracks until your 3 stars become 0. Then backtrack and go up the stairs you were supposed to. Always be careful not to get separated from teammates for any length of time. Now its a fun mission.

So now I can purchase the best rifle, and travel to NJ, or Alderney, or whatever they call it. I'm sure there's no relation between these two things. So I drive around Alderney, to get the lay of the land, and see what I can recognize from real life. I try to jack a quiet car, so I can listen to the radio. Motorcycles are fun, and fast cars can be sometimes fun, but they are both too loud to adequately hear the radio. There are a lot of good stations, and I want to listen to them all, but right now I'm focusing on The Journey. It's mostly soothing ambient music, but I love that it is DJ'd by what sounds like the crazy sociopathic AI from Portal. If real life had radio stations like these, I might actually listen to them.

It would be cool if this game had convertibles, and you could put the top up and down. As long as the GTA game series keep on going, its inevitable.

Grand Theft Auto 4: crappy parking

GTA 4 has some crappy parking system. Look at this, I can only fit two motorcycles in a space that could hold a bus. Previous GTA games let you get creative with cramming stuff into small spaces, usually only penalizing you when you got crazy and started trying to stack up cars. No reason why I shouldn't be able to park half a dozen bikes here.

So, now I have a hot tub. I continue to marvel at the many new cool things in this game, but I'm not really that invested. I'm not trying to hurry it, I want to enjoy whatever fun stuff it has to offer. But I'm already thinking of my next game.

Since when do I know how to fly a helicopter? Sure, Niko was in a war, but he was regular army. I miss the nods to training that were present in GTA 3 San Andreas.

Grand Theft Auto 4: AK-47

Haven't played in a few days, load up, and my graphics look like some default crap. Oh yeah, NVIDIA update recently. But why would that reset my graphics profile. Hmm, never noticed this benchmark tool before, let's try it. It plays through what looks like a cut scene. My average FPS is 49.02, and test results are saved to Documents\Rockstar... etc; I'll check that later. I increase various attributes, and try it out. I don't like it. Everything seems a little more sharp, but there's so much choppiness and blur that its not worth it. Back to auto config.

Next day...

*spoilers*

That was a fun run and gun mission. The thing with Michelle was telegraphed well in advance (all your things still have tags on them). The extended mission complete music was weird and unnecessary. Its obvious this is a large plot point, duh, you don't need the verbal equivalent of a blinking tag. At least now I have my first AK-47. Time to see if I can buy ammo for it.

I found the AK because it was glowing - pigeons also glow. Are these the packages of this GTA? Time to risk some spoilage and see; my curiosity has gotten the better of me. It looks like you get access to a helicopter, and that's it. And a lot of people complaining about it, and the lack of other achievements. Oh well, I'll just focus on the story.

Game crashed after a taxi ride to Little Jacob, trying to keep up my social. Reloading.

I've been using the taxi so much, I got an achievement for it (oops - actually this just means I didn't skip viewing the ride).

Some missions later... I finally get to enjoy some classic GTA action. I complete a long shooting mission, get my target, and drive off into the sunset. Even though I hadn't freshened up at the gun store lately, I still made it through. And on the way out, while enjoying the denouement conversation, I lightly tapped a gas can on the way out. BOOM, we're dead. If this had been a race, I'd be really pissed, but I don't mind this again, especially now that I know to go stock up first.

Everything about this game is so awkward and cumbersome. Not just walking, driving, and shooting, but the communication as well. I'm constantly getting phone calls and texts, and if anything interrupts it at all, it gets cut off, and I lost whatever was supposed to be communicated. I've taken to focusing on messages, and then saving afterwards.

Grand Theft Auto 4: taxi ride

I RARed up my save files and deleted all but the latest before doing anything else, so now when I click Start it can only load up the one save. No more ambiguity when I start a new session.

I now regret not taking some cab missions, when I had the chance. In previous GTA games that was always a great way to make some fast money and learn the map. Right now, with cousin Roman on the bread line, I'll have to find another way. I can still steal cabs, of course, but I don't think I can activate a taxi mission, if there even is one in this GTA.

Well, it looks like I can save a police car at my current safehouse. They might actually be useful now that the NPC cars actually move out of the way of sirens in a reasonable way.

Next mission, following a drug dealer. Sure was nice of someone to leave this MP5 on the roof. And it even uses the same ammo as mini-Uzi.

Back to the store to replenish armor and ammo. Interesting, that in this GTA there's a limit on how much ammo you can carry. This is a touch of realism I appreciate in games, like reloading your ammo. What seems like just a dumb limit actually increases realism. Checking the gun shop display models, I can't buy any new weapons yet. Even though I have an MP5 now, instead of a mini-Uzi, I still can't buy ammo for it.

Cop cars are still squawking at me as I pass them at red lights. I'm guessing Rockstar actually implemented traffic rules and appropriate police response in the game, and then took it out when it proved to be too boring and slow to obey traffic laws, or constantly risk police attention. You can't just simulate everything, or its not fun any more.

That last mission left me really banged up, and without a car, in an area frequented by police. Let's try this hailing a cab thing. Nice, well implemented, I really like it. I can spend my time enjoying the scenery, instead of dodging pedestrians and looking at the GPS. Or you can skip the trip entirely. And its cheap, even on my low budget. I think I'm going to use this a lot.

Grand Theft Auto 4: cable management

Save game list getting full. Time to exit and see if I can archive them. Yep, just fine. Delete all the saves but the most recent, rename it so that it ends in 400, and you're good to go.

You can start a mission when you walk up to a floating yellow arrow, or drive under it it. In previous GTA games, if you didn't place your car carefully, it could be gone (forever) when you came back out of whatever cut scene. Now, your car is preserved, but it might be parked somewhere nearby. An improvement, surely, but why not just leave the car where it was?

This Internet cafe has some good cable management. Earlier today I saw a garbage truck, nothing new to GTA (except they like to call it dust bin or ash cart or something), but it had two guys hanging off the back. I'm still getting surprised by the detail in this game. OK, so now I'm in a simulated internet browser, in a simulated internet cafe, in a simulated New York City. It was inevitable.

It makes sense, to push the detail of the simulation just a little further. Kind of like how your money, in previous GTA games, used to be shown in a corner of the HUD at all times, as if you kept hundreds of thousands of dollars on you at all times. Now you have to step up to an ATM machine to get a balance. It actually makes sense. There are probably any number of game mechanics which were cumbersome before that can now be swept into the simulation of using the Internet. Perhaps one of these ads will allow the purchase of my next safehouse.

Finally, a bike. I already have 2 sports cars in my spot outside, and this bike barely fits - I wonder if the game will let me keep all 3, or delete some? I reload my save and head outside. Nope, the bike is gone. Too bad, and something to note for later.

My armor is trashed, time to go pick up some more. Awesome - I can finally buy ammo, instead of having to buy a whole new gun every time.

And, off to a new safehouse. GTA games have forced you to vacate a safehouse sometimes, but this is the first time I can remember it actually being destroyed. Poor cousin Roman, lamenting his fate - he doesn't know that he's in a GTA game. We may be poor now, but by the end of the game there will be all manor of real estate, business, helicopters, guns, girlfriends, clothes - everything the GTA world has to offer. I just need to go on a few more missions, that's all.

Grand Theft Auto 4: start missions

Let's move forward a little with some missions. This is handy, these early missions have a lot of training in how the game works. The elevated train is a very neat way to get around, maybe I can get some exploration out of it later. This world is huge, and I think I only have access to a third of it right now.

Why does Niko walk with such a limp down the stairs? War injury? And why does he keep pulling at his crotch? Bat wings? Or another war injury...

Listening to the random chatter of pedestrians, they seem more realistic than previous GTA, instead of the over-the-top funny chatter of previous games ("i smoke cuz it gives me knowledge").

Oh I'm glad they kept this - while I turned away to type, the sandbox world goes on, of course, but they have the screen saver mode from the previous GTA, where you character looks around at things of interest.

Wow, they made a car wash sequence.

Strange, the game is asking if it can write over my auto-save  What's the point of auto-save if you aren't continuously overwriting it?

Took girlfriend on date to Cluckin' Bell - when I came out my hot rod was gone. I guess I should have pulled up to the arrow, instead of getting out in front of it. Even worse, I had to jack a car, and girlfriend got run over by a cab, and died. Thankfully I have a recent save.

First achievement = "5G - Warm Coffee". Isn't that supposed to be hot coffee?

Finally, my first firearm. And a generous amount of ammo. I like that crouch helps you better your aim - I wish more games did this. I go around and collect ammo off the thugs I hit, got another 50 ammo. Hey, what is this, I specifically backed the car into this alley to make a quick getaway, and its turned around, nose in. Another reason not to trust this game.

I'm glad I turned the subtitles on - this Rasta accent is hard to decipher, even with the subtitles. Great, now I'm hot boxing with the fool. Last time Niko got drunk I could barely drive, I wonder if they have a different handicap model for this.

In another firefight - very nice, there's a cover system.

More fights, more guns, more chasing, more bodies, more cut scenes. It's starting to feel more and more like GTA.

It looks like you can turn auto-save off. I'm tired of the game constantly interrupting me with its own save schedule, which I don't trust anyway, and shut off auto-save.

A theme is beginning to emerge. Not just trust and loyalty and betrayal, a constant in the GTA world, but in this game the theme of being Number Two, and having to serve Number One.

At last, a gun store. Finally I can get some body armor. The only weapon for sale right now is machine pistol, which is not very useful but my arsenal is small now, so I take what I can get. You can get a lot done with even weak weapons, but nothing makes up for not having some good body armor on you.

As usual in GTA games, I can't do something as simple and obvious as buy ammo. I have to keep buying whole guns to get a quantity of ammo. I still haven't found a single decent weapon or armor drop - but I haven't been looking all that hard either.

Some more missions, for "F" and "Lj", and the random drug dude who keeps showing up.

Manhattan island is open! And I see motorcycles! I love motorcycles, its a great way to explore, and more fun than even the fastest car.

Playing with the phone, I find Sleep Mode - I can pause the story! Strange, that. I'll try it, and go looking for a motorcycle.

I don't know if I've mentioned it yet, but I've noticed cop cars squawk at me when I go through red lights in front of them - but they don't pursue me. Maybe that will become a factor later. I still haven't ready any manuals or online hints yet on this game; I'm playing it cold until I need some guidance.

Oh cool - a helicopter. Will I get to play with one?

Thinking about the social aspect of the game, its greater in quantity but so far seems lower in quality. In the previous GTA, San Andreas, there were a lot of complaints that it was a little too detailed in the social, a little too much like The Sims, and not enough like GTA. People don't seem to realize that's what makes GTA so good, and why I even bother with a twitch game, is that it is always pushing the limit on gaming. One thing I liked about dating in the previous GTA, if you had a successful date it would show a few seconds of you and your date talking and laughing, with a little upbeat music. It was charming, and even a little sweet. It got the mood across quickly and well. Now its just little more than a taxi mission. And what's worse, now I have to socialize with friends and business contacts. I was always wanting more to do in GTA, but I think this is a little step backwards. It may be too early to judge.

OK, Brooklyn Bridge is not actually open, just a bridge to a small island.

Grand Theft Auto 4: explore or campaign

I'm torn between random exploration, and working the campaign. In prior GTA experience its more fun to find things on your own, but I also know that the campaign pushes me further than you would go at my own leisurely rate. I guess its a question of pace.

How nice - a Steam advertisement for GTA 4 for $8, down from $30.

I hit start, and presumably it loads my last save game. I don't trust this game enough to be sure it got it right - can I select which save to load? Speaking of which, where do my save files live? I will eventually fill up on saves, and have to swap them out so I can keep the old and still create new. My Documents folder is littered with past GTA saves, but no sign of current. What gives? Off to the net to search. Oh really - AppData\Local? Why not in My Documents like the past 3 GTA games? Did Rockstar even make this game?

Added new entry to shortcuts folder. Back to the game. At least I'm automatically logged in to LIVE now, I don't have to mess with that anymore. Driving my cousin to the gentlemen's club, I pass a gas station and wonder why they haven't yet implemented fuel in the cars. Sure, filling up is boring, but it could be a great tactical element in a lot of different kinds of missions.

The wanted system is different, and even makes a little more sense. You can lose the cops if you speed far away enough, and just driving into a pay and spray isn't enough if they see you. We'll see how this actually works out. The GPS and mapping are working out really great, and finally make sense in the context of the game.

Driving feels really chunky, but that may be because of the lower end cars I'm driving. I'll have to wait and see on that front. NPCs have a much better sense of self-preservation now than previous GTAs; other cars seem to swerve a bit out of the way if I get too close. And there's less crazy random lane changing.

I can watch TV! It just goes on and on...

Grand Theft Auto 4: begin

In Steam I see two entries, "GTA 4" and "GTA: Episodes from Liberty City", an expansion for GTA 4. This is one of the problem with retro-gaming, as I now have to figure out which I can or should start with. Usually, add-ons not only add content, but change the game engine as well. Ideally, I want the most mature software with the least bugs, but I also don't want to ruin any kind of linear story there might be. I'll check online, while trying to avoid spoilers.

OK, its mostly people discussing download issues, not story or gameplay. Screw it, I'll just play GTA 4 now, and not even install the add-ons until later. I've played enough GTA games now to have a procedure, where I play the whole game through naturally, only seeking help when I get stuck. On my second playthrough, I'll look online to find all the things I didn't find myself, particularly complete lists of hidden collectibles (packages, etc.), which I usually only find half of.

OK, first thing I see is an activation key, I file that away. I know I've tried this game before, but I guess not on this current install, I'm seeing "Performing first time setup..." and its installing DirectX for Windows. I think I last tried this game on a Vista install, and it was a nightmare. There was an endless array of things to install, and services to join and create logins for. As usual, copy protection only punishes the lawful.

Let's get some folders ready to hold screenshots, saves, notes, etc., and drop shortcuts to those folders in Favorites. Looking at my folder paths, its fairly inconsistent. Sometimes its GTA 4, sometimes its Grand Theft Auto 4, sometimes its GTA series, etc. Not going to waste time sorting that out, its getting the job done, for now.

Here's an onerous copy protection scheme now: the Social Club. I'm relieved to see that you can opt out, especially if you just want to play offline single-player (which is all I usually want). This opting out wasn't an option the first time I installed. I guess enough people bitched about it. Chalk up another benefit to retro-gaming. Selecting "Play (Offline)".

Firewall, allow. Crap, the game is trying to start while I'm trying to hit Allow access. Some sloppy shit. Great, now I can't switch back to the game, I'm stuck at the desktop. Very sloppy. End process. This shit happens in Windows all the time, but I still wouldn't give up PC gaming for anything. Restarting Steam. OK, there's the startup music, which sounds like its from GTA 3 San Andreas. Now I have two options: GTA4 "play" or Episodes "sign in". Play. My mouse speed has suddenly dropped to nothing. Why wouldn't you import that setting straight across from my system mouse speed? Why would you default to some speed for the mentally deficient? It's not the technical problem that bothers me, its the attitude. Oh great, Social Club spam, even though I opted out of that BS.

Options, Controls, Mouse Sensitivity is set to seemingly 33%, I up it to more like 66%. Its still unforgivably slow. Let's max it out. At least my graphics defaults seem reasonably high. I'm not going to mess with it until I see how the game looks. Exit game, upload this screenshot, restart game. My mouse is still painfully slow. I can only hope its only here in the setup that it stays like this. Crap, more spam, for a LIVE-enabled profile. I do not want to sign in, hit Esc, hopefully I can just bypass this.

There's a song playing, but a blank screen. I guess I am missing the intro video, and a subsequent cut scene. WTF. Maybe its because the Steam overlay is still up, telling me the code I need to enter. But I am never prompted for a code - perhaps I entered it previously? Quit the game, restart, maybe video will play without overlay. Wait a sec - lets read this LIVE profile thing again - I can't save with out a LIVE profile. They've got me now. Time to look up my old account. In my archive, I see an entry from 2009.05; I use that and it works. I'm presented with a place to enter my product key, and its already pre-filled for me. Great - only now does it tell me my authentication is invalid. Maybe I can set this up outside of the game. The game is crashed again, but not surprising considering all the damn overlays over the poor thing. End process.

OK, I check the LIVE site, which is now an Xbox site, sign in OK. Restart game. Damn Social Club is still bugging me. Dismiss Steam overlay. Play. Maybe I can sign into Live up front, instead of as a part of starting a new game. Let's try the LIVE menu. OK, now I've got the LIVE overlay. Use existing profile. I check every box to save all my info, and login automatically. Product key again, happily still filled in. Product key not valid. Its a wonder I even got this game running. The product key entered is the same as the one Steam gave me. This is starting to look bad. Let's try 'i need a product key'. Dumps out, starts up Games for Windows Marketplace. It just takes me to an Xbox ad. Maybe the problem is because I bought this retail, and registered it with Steam later?

Time to look online for help. There's some recent update for this. Verifying integrity of game cache. Seems OK, restart game, I have a new code! Sign in to LIVE. Enter new code, downloading profile, update LIVE, the game plays, with cut scenes. But in my second monitor, I can see there are several apps blinking for attention, probably want administrative permission to continue. I exit the game to see to them. Got a call, got distracted, not sure what I did there, I think I clicked through a few things. I've got so many popups everywhere, the Steam community ones are especially onerous now; I disable those. Let's start GTA 4 up yet again.

Stupid intro music and disclaimers can't be skipped. Play. Check LIVE to see if I'm signed in - I'm not. The automatic sign in check box does nothing. It wants to update again. Install update, shut down game, allow install, it exits without message - lame. Restart GTA 4. Sign into live, downloading profile, finally it gets past that. How do I get rid of this thing? With Steam its alt+tab to get out of the overlay, don't see anything like that here. I just hit the red X, hopefully it will run now, and I can save and reload games. Time to start, finally. The cut scenes look good, in sync and everything.

Oh yeah, its GTA, I can't just save anywhere, have to go to a hideout. Cut scenes end, I have control. I wander around the apartment, enjoying all the detail. But its a museum, I can't touch anything. The environment looks as rich as Fallout 3, but I can't so much as pick up a pot or pan. I can't even sit or lie down. The only thing I can do in here is save the game. I understand this is a racing game (actually a chasing game) first, and a first person RPG second, third, or worse, but this just taunts me with all its detail. I don't know if I will have the patience to finish this game. The controls have felt clunky from the start, and this is mostly a twitch game. I would like to finish the main story, but even if I don't, if can just wander around the city for a while, that will probably be something.

Oh wait, I just picked up a beer can, using the generic gaming 'use key' of E. Time to check the controls list. Driving around on my first mission, and the detail is just incredible. Shadows on an ATM machine, metal plates in the asphalt, the writing on newspaper a pedestrian is holding, the pattern of a tire tread. Hmm, I finish the first mission and it says saving content - but is my game saved here? I go to Load, there is a slot title It's Your Call, 11/5/12 15:31, a minute ago. I try it. I'm back in the apartment, but I still have a total of $68, which is what I had after the last mission. It seems I have just lost my car and location. WTF, some random dude on the street just gave me $100.

First date, not bad. Cool, I can pick up bricks and throw them with targeting! Time to wander the city and see what I can find. OK, a baseball bat, that's a start. I can hear my character pant if I run too much - is there a stamina feature in this game, that I can build up? My character walks very sluggishly, and when I run the camera is hard to control. It's like the game is saying please don't walk around - get a car or something. I don't remember previous GTAs being this unfriendly to walking.

Not a lot of loose weapons in this town. In previous GTA, you couldn't walk a block without finding something. Even under the pier, an obvious stash spot, there's nothing. Ah, found a set of 3 Molotov cocktails up near the boardwalk.

There's another little person symbol on my map. I'll go check it out - last time it was the guy who gave me $100. OK, now I have $200. I find and steal a fast car, probably much faster than I'm supposed to have yet. I wander around the perimeter, trying to get a lay of the land, finally end up back where I started, under the elevated bridge, near Coney, uh, Firefly Island. Time for a break.

I've got the power

There's nothing like a week plus power outage to make you want to do a running jump off the pier and cannonball back into video gaming. Let's get to GTA 4 and finish it before GTA 5 comes out - I should have about half a year.

First, some housekeeping. While running all my updates on my long dormant computer, I notice I still have a lot of game shortcuts in my Favorites, for long since finished games. I should really trim those out of there, but not before "packing" each one away. That means following the "saves" and "screenshots" shortcuts, extracting any content, RARing it up, and filing it away in the archives. Then I can uninstall the games.

I can't quite delete the screenshots taken in Steam games, yet, if ever. It leaves big gaping holes in the screenshot window in Steam, as files are not found. What I've been doing is zeroing in on the screenshots that matter, naming and uploading those to Steam's cloud, and deleting the rest from within the Steam screenshot manager. What will happen when I re-install - will those uploaded shots come back down to my machine? I guess I'll find out on the next re-install, which I'm getting due for. In the meanwhile, I can clear the shortcut from my favorites, letting me know I'm done with it.

My Fallout 3 saves are 8 gb - why would I need to keep this. Let's see how it compresses. The compression ratio is about 33%, but that's still a fairly big chunk to file. I'll take a dir snapshot of it, and toss it, saving only the first and last save, and the few administrative files.